Do You Love Me Enough To Let Me Go?

This post is dedicated to Denz, my bro Hao Yi, my parents and all the awesome people that have, and will, remember my birthday.

Before I got here, I was either a spirit floating around, or a-part-sperm-part-ovum entity. Choose your favorite description.

And then when was young, pampered and without a care in the world. Birthdays were of parties and presents and barbecue-steamboat combos.

And then school happened and then someone screwed up, and then that screw up became big, and then recession happened. And then birthdays were time of guilt when you feel angry at parents because they had the money to get your younger siblings laptops and cameras while you looked and nodded, knowing that as the eldest you ought to feel happy for them.

And I do, and did, but still, God didnt make us perfect, and one of my many flaws is that I want, and I want it NOW! So I felt bitter.

I spent countless days, lamenting about my supposedly ill-luck, and about countless blog post that I drafted but didnt post, all cursing and yelling at the unfairness of life.

Boy am I glad I didn't post those.

Because now, it took a brother, okay not one, but two to show me that I WAS blessed all along.

They both listened to my complaints and my whining and it took me that long to see. Thanks, you know who you are.

I spend a big part of the night before my birthday watching some of the old Vlogbrothers(who ironically arent the two brothers i mentioned)  videos too, and I saw of the goodness it can come from just being awesome and devoting your time to helping those who don't even know when their birthdays are.

I also googled "worst birthdays" and found people worse off than I was. There was one girl, from Tehran, Iran, who celebrated her birthday amidst governmental chaos and here I was, complaining that I didn't get a big enough birthday cake, or that nobody remembered.

Because really, in life, all it takes is a little perspective, and thats the greatest present anyone can give you.

And even if I am one step towards death, I am one step further from not-caring about anything else, because only by compassion can love be activated, and if anyone deserves love, its the people I dedicated this post to.

"In a world where things fall apart and the centre doesn't hold, we have to imagine a world in which there is no centre." - John Green

And so have I, and so have you..

Happy Birthday To Me. Hope I'll Have A Great One.